Kate

Kate had her life all figured out. In a year she would finish college with a degree in math education. She would teach school, buy a condo and a cat, and travel during the summers. If that got boring she would go to graduate school, but whatever happened, she would not marry. Her mother had married and look what it had gotten her: eight children to support and a wounded heart. Shortly after her parents’ divorce, Kate had sat in her English class listening to her teacher read a very long poem that made little sense. She was supposed to be following along, but instead, she was staring out the window looking at icicles clinging to dead trees. She was jarred back to attention when she heard the most idiotic words ever written. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” She almost scoffed out loud. Whoever wrote those words need only see her mother to change his mind. Dead, white males. What did they know? She felt sorry for the lot of them. And resolved to avoid heartache no matter what.

In her three years at Brigham Young University, Kate had been very busy. She studied hard, got good grades, and worked doing technical support for the office of information technology. She also dedicated a great deal of time to church service. She served as the Relief Society President, as Sunday school secretary, and as compassionate service leader. She found joy in administering to the needs of her fellow sisters. She always had a hundred percent visiting teaching. In her spare time she would go hiking in the mountains if it was warm or go skiing if it was cold.

But In all her college experience, there was one thing Kate never did. She never dated. She avoided interacting with guys in social ways. For Kate, interactions with the opposite sex were strictly business. If she was working with a guy on a project, she would assume an air of formality. To the guys in her ward, she was never rude, but never welcoming or inviting either. While her roommates went on dates or watched chick flicks to date vicariously, Kate would go to bed early, then get up early the next morning to get a head start on homework or to embark on some mountain excursion. What are men to rocks and mountains? Really, there is no comparison. A mountain will always be firm and cannot betray you like a man can.

Sometimes Kate’s roommates would wonder why she never went on any dates. They would ask her if she was interested in any guys to which she would invariably answer, “no.” They would offer to set her up to which she would always politely refuse and try to convince them that she really didn’t want to date anyone. If she were ever to tell them why, they would have understood, but she never did. She knew that her views were theologically wrong and that if her peers knew about them they would try to get her to change them by arguing with her on a theological basis. But Kate did not want to subject herself to theological inditements. She already knew what her view should be and why, but the thought of making them conform was too dreadful.

Most girls who have no aspirations for marriage or any kind of partnership with men become rather slovenly in their appearance. But not Kate. Kate always dressed herself in well-fitting, fashionable clothes, put on her makeup, and styled the dark brown hair that fell to her waist. Many men would happily have asked Kate out if not for her cold demeanor. Some even braved the question anyway and Kate would politely refuse. Kate didn’t take care of her appearance for the sake of men, but for the sake of dignity. Kate had a lot of respect for herself. Enough respect to keep her away from men forever, for Kate knew that a man has the power to rob a woman of every shred of dignity.

Kate felt a great wrenching in her heart whenever she thought of her mother and father. Roberta had been the most charming and attractive woman when she was young. Many men desired her company and wanted to date her. She eventually gave her heart to Dale Capulet who came and swept her off her feet. It was perfect. Dale was everything Roberta had ever dreamed of. He was handsome, smart, a good dancer, and he wanted to have a big family just like she did. They met and married three months later. A year later Kate was born and was immediately her father’s pride and joy. Over the succeeding years, Roberta bore seven more daughters, but Kate was always her father’s favorite. She would sit on his lap while he read her stories, go fishing with him when none of her sisters wanted to, and be the spokeswoman when she and her sisters wanted a movie or a treat or a sleepover. If Kate spoke, Dale would always relent. When she was very small, Kate knew she wanted to marry someone just like her father.

So what went awry? The wrongness came on gradually at first. Dale stopped treating Roberta with solicitude and deference. And after eight children her body wasn’t what it used to be and Dale told her so. Roberta began working out every day and dieting to please her husband, but our bodies don’t always do what we want them to do. Then Dale started complaining that Roberta spent too much and cut down on what he allowed her for personal expenses. Finally, he took a job that required traveling and started spending less and less time at home. By this time, all the girls except for Kate were glad to be rid of him. He was always moody and short-tempered when he was at home anyway.

Then came the fateful weekend four years ago that none of the girls like to talk about. Dale came home after a two week long business trip. Kate ran to the door and gave her daddy a big hug. Roberta came next and kissed her husband. Dale ignored everyone else as he grabbed his wife’s wrist and pulled her upstairs to their bedroom. An hour later Dale came down the stairs and walked out the front door without a word to anyone. The girls stared at the door, completely baffled. Kate went upstairs in search of an explanation from her mother.

Roberta was lying on her bed sobbing. Kate got her a box of tissues and a glass of water, then sat on the bed and waited for her mother to speak. When at last Roberta could speak through the tears she said, “It’s no use concealing the truth from you, my dear. Your father has left me for good this time. He has found another woman. A younger, prettier one than me, no doubt. We’ll finalize the divorce next month, but he assures me that he still wants to be a part of you girls’ lives.”

When the divorce was settled, it was arranged that the girls would spend two weeks with their father every summer until they turned eighteen. This meant that Kate was only required one summer visit. She went because she had to, but she didn’t speak a word to her father the entire time and she hasn’t seen him since.